Men

It's not so complicated!
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we
are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
don't think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
nice and have money are pigs.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money
and thank GOD are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us
when we take the initiative.

A flight to Tehran

A British Airways flight was going to Tehran from London . When it got close to Tehran it started having some kind of troubles. The pilot contacted the control tower at Tehran airport and asked for help: " Tehran , this is Captain Smith, British Airways flight 000, do you hear me?" " Felight 000, dis iz Tehran felight contorol, go ahead" " Tehran , this is flight 000, we have a problem" "Dis iz Tehran , vat kind of peroblem?" " This is flight 000, we have lost power to our engines, please advice" "Dis iz Tehran , I reed you, peleez check some sings for me, ok?" " This is flight 000, go ahead" "Dis iz Tehran , can you get emerzency pover to your enzines?" " This is flight 000, negative, no power is available" "Dis iz Tehran , can you peleez bering your altitutde to 20,000 feet?" " This is flight 000, negative, our wing controls do not respond" "Dis iz Tehran , can you peleez see if you can lover your veels?" " This is flight 000, negative, landing gears are stuck" "Dis iz Tehran , vould you peleez repeet theez vords after me" " This is flight 000, go ahead" "Dis iz Tehran , repeet theez words peleez: ASH'HADO ANNA LA ILAHA ELLALLAH VA ASH'HADO ANNA MOHAMMADAN RASUL ALLAH

The chicken

Why the chicken crossed the road…

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me 

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken! 

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun